Broken Circles

Broken circles are a pretty apt description as to where I am with my journey at the moment specifically regarding the relationship journey. Having just ended another short lived dating experience I have yet again in some ways come full circle and I am right back to where I started. These little inner circles are the complete ones which I just seem to keep going round and around on. But as far as the bigger picture goes the large full circle remains broken and incomplete, as I tend to get so far on the circle and then each time I fall off, and this will probably continue to happen until I can successfully makes changes to how I am approaching the whole dating experience and break down the barriers I have put up, and find happiness in a long term relationship.

Progress is being made and I genuinely feel I am beginning to learn more about myself, my shortcomings and the mistakes I make when it comes to dating. I am beginning to realise that my idea of how a perfect relationship should be is more fantasy than reality, and so I always tend to end up disappointed very early on and get out quick. I have a tendency to panic after 2-3 weeks, and when something doesn’t feel right I look for a way out. 

What I am trying to do now is to realise there is more than one way to get to where I want to be. The challenge going forwards is to try and get past the initial few dates and get into a boyfriend / girlfriend relationship and roll with the highs and lows. In many ways I am a victim of my great female friendships and have expected a relationship to be a greater extension of that and for it to roll along smoothly on an even keel, where as what I should be gaining from a relationship are the wonderful highs and yes the lows too and to realise that this is what it is all about. But I also believe as I have always done that there has to be a spark, physical attraction and a genuine friendship too. I might well be wrong and an old fuss pot, but there are to be more chapters around the corner in this story for sure.